Been a shit week.
My mind has been all over the place, and nothing I do can settle it. I feel so complacent, and I don't know if it's from not being used to it, or just not what I want, but it is driving me crazy.
I just can't get myself past the fact that this will all be better, I'll look back and be happy I did it, but for the time being I hate it. I hate everything. I hate everyone. I hate myself above all.
I hate that I got myself into such a shit situation. I hate that I have the issues that I have that has led to this. I hate my feelings of complete lack of self worth. I hate having to rely on people to get around, and to get shit done.
I feel so fucking selfish. Doing a complete clean sweep of my life, yet I'm not completely convinced it's what I want. I'm making decisions that I don't like and or agree with, but have been able to push through. At least so far.
Not being able to just say fuck it and grab a bottle, or smoke a joint, kind of helps me persist.
Darkest before dawn.
